Thoughts on thoughts

I've been reading a little bit at a time of Wicked, the book Dan and Matt got me for christmas. I love it! I'm at a part about halfway through where Elphaba is discussing and debating scientific findings from the goat. These kids are about 20ish I think and still in the beginning of college. They are using these words I dont know and discussing things that if I were in that situation, I might not care about. It just brings up to me the fact that I never like to debate or to discuss things at length. My attention span doesn't allow me to. Sure, I have opinions and find things interesting but I couldn't write a report about it or give information from my mind off of things I just read or of research I've done because I wouldn't remember them. Alright I shouldn't say that I couldn't do those things, it would just be difficult so I chose not to. This is frustrating and something that has frustrated me since I started to learn anything.

I know I'm smart and I know I'm capable. My brothers are great with debating and discussing and its something that skipped over me. A lot of my not debating stems from the feeling that I just don't have an opinion. I'm fine going on with my life and letting that topic go off on a tangent without me being involved. If its something I care about deeply, I'll have an opinion but feel like there's nothing I can do about it so why bother. Why am I like this? I'm very laid back too. Almost too laid back. The world can keep moving and I'm happy staying still. Why is that?

Grrr. Some people look up to me for feeling that way and tell me, "You're lucky that doesn't bother you because it bothers me and I can't stop thinking about it!" My life motto is a shrug of the shoulder. Oh well. Life keeps moving. Can't let it get you down. Of course this goes against my last post. I should listen to my own advice.

See, this is why I labeled my blog the way I did. My mind wanders in all kinds of different directions. I find myself very interesting. I can make myself laugh (which I love to laugh by the way). I need some fun hobbies so I have things to be passionate about. Gotta get to that.